Supporting Emotional Regulation in Children: Foundations for Lifelong Wellbeing

From toddler tantrums to pre-teen meltdowns, emotional outbursts are often seen as part of growing up. But beneath these behaviours lies something crucial: a child learning to regulate their emotions. Emotional regulation is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage feelings in a healthy way. For children, this skill doesn’t develop automatically. It grows through safe relationships, guidance, and consistent emotional support.

As a therapist, I often work with families who are navigating the ups and downs of emotional development. The good news? Emotional regulation can be taught, nurtured, and strengthened.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

Children who develop strong emotional regulation skills tend to:

• Form healthier relationships

• Navigate stress more effectively

• Experience fewer behavioural issues

• Perform better academically

• Have higher self-esteem

Learning to manage big feelings also lays the foundation for mental health throughout life. When children feel seen, safe, and supported during emotional moments, they build the internal tools to cope with life’s challenges.

How Emotional Regulation Develops

Emotional regulation is shaped by both biology and environment. Some children may have a natural temperament that makes it easier or harder to manage feelings. But all children benefit from external support, especially from emotionally responsive adults.

Early childhood is a sensitive period for developing self-regulation. The brain areas responsible for impulse control, empathy, and reasoning (such as the prefrontal cortex) are still developing well into the mid-twenties. That’s why expecting children to “just calm down” on their own often sets them up for failure. What they really need is co-regulation first.

What they really need is co-regulation first.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is the process where a caregiver helps a child calm down by staying present, emotionally attuned, and connected. This might mean holding space for their tears, validating their feelings, or helping them name what they’re experiencing. Over time, children internalise this supportive response and begin to use the same tools for themselves.

Strategies to Support Emotional Regulation

Here are some practical, developmentally appropriate strategies to help support emotional regulation at home:

1. Model Emotion Regulation Yourself

Children learn a great deal by watching how adults handle stress, disappointment, and frustration. Use moments of difficulty as opportunities to show what regulation looks like: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”

2. Name the Feeling

Helping children build an emotional vocabulary gives them the power to express instead of act out. Try saying things like, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because we have to stop playing.”

3. Create Calm-Down Spaces

Instead of using time-outs as punishment, try setting up a safe space where a child can choose to go when feeling overwhelmed. Fill it with soft toys, calming visuals, or sensory items to help them reset.

4. Practice Predictability and Routines

Children feel safer and more in control when their environment is predictable and consistent. Consistent routines, especially around sleep, meals, and transitions, support emotional stability.

5. Use Stories and Play

Books, storytelling, and imaginative play can help children process emotions indirectly. Look for books that explore feelings or use puppets and role-play to help children navigate emotional scenarios.

6. Validate First, Then Guide

Before offering solutions, acknowledge what your child is feeling. “It’s okay to feel angry. I’m here with you.” Once they feel heard, they’re more likely to be open to problem-solving.

7. Teach and Practise Coping Tools

Breathing exercises, movement (like jumping or stretching), music, or drawing can all help children regulate. Practice these tools when they’re calm so they’re more accessible in difficult moments.

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.”

When to Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may continue to struggle with frequent emotional outbursts, anxiety, or difficulty calming down. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It simply means extra support could be helpful.

Therapeutic support can offer children a safe space to explore their feelings, learn new regulation tools, and build resilience. It also offers parents practical strategies and reassurance along the way.

Final Thoughts

Supporting emotional regulation in children isn’t about eliminating “negative” emotions. It’s about helping children understand that all emotions are valid, manageable, and safe to feel. With our support, they can grow into emotionally aware, connected, and resilient individuals.

At Hope Prevails, we provide evidence-based support for children and families. If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional wellbeing, or just want to build stronger skills as a parent, we’re here to help.

Want to know more?

Explore our services for children and families at www.hopeprevails.com.au, or reach out directly to book an appointment.